I’m not sure what was going on over the last month in my head but I’ve been obsessively watching videos on YouTube of tsunamis, earthquakes, landslides, as well as watching interviews with black people living in Japan and other Asian countries. Let’s not forget hours and hours of watching Japanese chefs preparing food in their Japanese restaurants. It’s not instructional. It’s just them doing their thing with the camera rolling. Very little talk.
I made a New Year’s resolution when I was 12 years old to never again make another New Year’s resolution in my life. Ever. I’m 49 years old now and I’ve stuck to that resolution all these years. No exceptions.Continue reading “Power Over Mind at Twelve”
Today was one of those days I needed a pep talk rather than music. The music was really bringing me down actually.. so I switched to podcasts. This one wasn’t as much a pep talk as it was funny.
“It’s not your fucking job to satisfy him sexually enough that he will not cheat on you or watch porn.”
“It’s not your job to dye your hair, get a boob job, cut your hair, lose weight, gain weight, exercise unless you fucking want to.”
“It’s not your fucking job to keep his dick out of other women.”
Upon realizing that this is how my marriage was ending, I felt intense regret. As if by reflex, I regretted ever thinking this was a marriage worth saving after I had been betrayed the first time (of many) 15 years ago.